The final count down has begun. 18 days is what my little baby bump app is telling me. 18 days until our girl could arrive. Although, it could be sooner. Any day really, or another month yet. Not knowing is the hardest part.
We moved into our house 3 weeks ago last Friday, I'm 37.5 weeks pregnant, my back has currently decided to go out, making it excruciatingly painful to walk, sit or lay down, and these are the some of the questions/comments I get on a daily basis.
Any day now, huh? You hiding a basketball in there? How's the house? Do you feel settled? Do you need help unpacking? Is the nursery set up? Do you have all your baby stuff? How do you feel? How is baby? To which I reply. . .Um. . .ok, no, I think???
We're getting there is more like it. Slowly but surely. It definitely feels more like slowly to me. Most days I question if we'll ever feel settled or like this new house is our home. I wonder if I'll ever stop sweeping up dust, or if the construction workers will ever be finished, or if the appliances are ever going to arrive so we can stop eating our meals solely from a microwave and toaster oven. Because honestly, canned soup and sandwiches get kind of old after 3, going on 4 weeks. I keep telling myself that soon we will have blinds and curtains hung up in the house, that there will be towel hooks and toilet paper holders installed, that rugs will be purchased and pictures hung, to make the echoey rooms feel more homey. But all in good time. When my baby app pops up asking me if I've packed my hospital bag yet, I just want to throw my phone and go hide and cry in my room. No, I haven't packed my hospital bag yet. I haven't even set up the nursery yet. The crib is built, stroller and carseat set up, but that's about it. The washed baby clothes and accessories are still in boxes waiting to be put away. And we're still awaiting the arrival of the the rest of the nursery furniture so we can finish. The dresser/changing table finally arrived last week, and I was looking forward to setting it up all week, only to find out they sent 2 box 2's instead of box 1 and 2. I tried not to have too big of a meltdown. Try being the key word. Not sure if I succeeded or not, you'll have to ask my husband;)
Life just feels like a whole lot of waiting and a whole lot expensive. Buying and renovating a house and having a baby within the same few months is expensive with a capital E. And I mean it. Life is this big long list of things waiting to be purchased, waiting to be finished, or waiting to arrive. And most days I feel like I'm failing at waiting, at being patient, at not getting upset or mad or crying about one or all of these things.
And then there's the people who tell you it doesn't really matter if the nursery is set up or if all the pictures are hung before baby comes. She won't even know anyways. And those are the people I especially want to punch in the face. Yes, yes, it may be true and spoken with the best of intentions, but that's the last thing an expecting mama wants to hear when she's been waiting 9.5 months to nest and get settled. Just take it from me;)
But. . .
There's good news too. Great news actually! At our 30 week apt, my midwife said baby who was head down had flipped head up, much to our disappointment. So, I spent the last 4 weeks trying not to worry, while doing every type of head stand and exercise I could find, chiropractic adjustments and praying. Lots of a lots of praying. At our 36 week last week the doc said baby was indeed head down, had dropped, and was in the perfect position. We are beyond relieved and so so thankful.
There are also sweet friends who bring take out and their new, adorably chubby baby over on Friday night to eat dinner with you and see the new house, and your online-turned real life friend who texts and says she wants to bring over a home cooked meal for you as well. And other friends from across the country who text or email that they've been thinking of you and are praying for you. And friends who offer you the use of their washer and dryer AGAIN because yours still hasn't come yet. And all those things make me want to sit down and sob (ok, maybe I've done just that), because I'm so blessed to have such a beautiful life, crazy and stressful and disorganized as it feels. Most days are a struggle to keep the right perspective. The teeter-tottering feelings that our life is a dirty mess and we're swimming in a size too big; to we know such wonderfully loving people who care about us AND we have a God who sees us right where we are and knows exactly what we need. An encouraging text, a meal, a hug, or a prayer. And it may not be all those things I think it I need. . . like a Pinterest perfect nursery, blinds hung up, or toilet paper holders installed.
Every day, these are the things that remind me I'm being stretched. Stretched to be flexible. Stretched to go with the flow. Deep down knowing we'd really be ok if baby arrived tomorrow, wether or not all the million things on our to-do list were checked off or not. And daily I'm reminded that life doesn't have to be perfect to be ok, or even good. It can be dusty, half finished, feel a little too big and slightly uncomfortable. . . and sometimes a moment comes when you realize what really matters is having people that care, love you, email, call, bring you food or coffee, plan a last pre-baby girl's night out/baby shower for you this weekend, and offer to come help mop and sweep your floors because you can't. Those are the things that really matter in the end.
I'm due in 2.5 weeks and praying feverishly she won't come a single day early, although I think I may feel differently in 2 more week. Time will tell. I'm also praying we get a few more things checked off our never ending to-do list, hoping the rocking chair and dresser arrive in time so we can set up the nursery a little bit more, and maybe a few more lights and appliances arrive to make life feel a little more comfortable. I also pray my back calms down and allows me a few more good nights of sleep before baby gets here. But alas, if not. . . this too shall pass.
In the middle of breastfeeding classes, chiropractor and doctors appointments, building closet systems and cribs, trying to successfully install a carseat, tracking all the missing appliances and fixtures to make sure everything's still going to arrive eventually, we're squeezing in all the last minute dates we can. Coffee, lunch, dinner. . . trying to breath, and smile, and understand where each other are coming from day to day. It's easier said than done. But we have 2ish weeks left with just us two, and by golly we're gonna make the most of it, crazy or calm.
Hopefully the next time you're here you'll be reading about our cute baby girl.